Maybe I’ve been living under a rock, or at least under the avalanche of life, but I was very surprised to hear Health Secretary Robert Kennedy Jr.’s May 29, 2026 promise to promote research to prevent, treat, and ultimately cure alpha gal syndrome. I had never heard of this syndrome, but given the current administration’s attitudes towards women and science, I immediately assumed that this was an attempt by the Alpha Guys to remedy Alpha Gals from their independence, strength, and leadership, i.e. to cure us of being single, bitchy, and bossy.

This certainly grabbed my attention.

But as a fair-minded scientist, I try not to jump to conclusions. When I looked into this mysterious malady, I was simultaneously relieved and disappointed to discover it is essentially an allergy to galactose-alpha-1,3-galactose, aka alpha gal. Alfa gal is not a political statement but instead a type of sugar found in the cells of many mammals, but not humans or other primates. Ticks are introducing this sugar into the bloodstreams of humans, where it triggers the production of Immunoglobulin E antibodies. Subsequent exposure to the sugar, typically through consuming red meat or dairy, causes severe and sometimes life-threatening allergic reactions. The incidence of this syndrome is increasing as the main culprits, Lone Star ticks, expand their range to the north courtesy of climate change. This is a real problem.

I said I was relieved and disappointed. I was relieved that this is not just another MAGA denigration of women. But my evil twin was disappointed because if it were, it would have led to wonderfuly ironic one-liners and tee shirts emblazoned with slogans like this:

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